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About Amish. Saloma Miller Furlong's Blog. This opens up the possibility for the abuse to occur again and it completely ignores the needs of the abused, as if they are of no consequence.
The same is true for the physical abuses that happen. Corporal punishment is common, and each parent is left to use their own discretion about how severely they punish their children. In some cases this means that the parents were severely whipped as children. Culturally there are few ways for the abused to confront and heal the pain they carry, so there is only one direction for that pain to go — right down to the next generation.
I believe my mother carried such scars. As an adult, I tried relentlessly to get her to tell me stories of her childhood. But she managed to conceal her history and her pain to her death. However, Mem revealed her pain in the way she parented. When she whipped me, I felt a seething rage in her that went far beyond my transgression.
Every night she marked the chart for each of us girls. At the end of the week whoever got the most Do-Bees received a nickel. Sylvia almost Amish spanking stories got it. One night, Mem was washing dishes, and Sylvia and I were drying.
The gas lantern hissed softly on a hook above our he. I was ahead of Sylvia for the first time. We were running out of counter space and Sylvia and I were trying to get each other to put the dishes away. I had never before felt such a pressure in my chest.
The rage was so strong, I thought I was going to explode. You just like Sylvia more than me, no matter what I do! I may have said more, but I noticed Mem was wiping her sudsy hands. Then she headed for the china cabinet with determined footsteps. Mem had that hard, angry look in her face that she got when Lizzie disobeyed her. I imagined myself running out the door. I knew she could not catch me if I did, but she could send Joey after me. Then my whipping would be worse, so I had no choice.
I walked towards her. Mem grabbed me by the arm and whirled me around, lifted up my dress, and snapped that whip across my legs, bringing the stinging pain down on the backs of my thighs. I thought Mem would never stop. It hurts me as much as it hurts you! And besides, it was her choice to take the whip off the china cabinet and use it to inflict that pain on me.
I ran upstairs, shivering, and lay on my bed. I cried until the quilt under me was wet. I vowed I would never talk back to Mem because I never wanted to feel that horrible pain again. I felt the welts on the backs of my legs. They stayed hidden under my dress for days, until they gradually turned color, then faded away. If I had stayed in my original community, married an Amish man, and had children, I am nearly certain I would have become part of the family cycle of abuse.
I had my hand in passing down abuse when I was teaching Amish school. Along with other teacher supplies, I inherited a leather strap hanging by the chalkboard. I wanted to be known as a teacher who could keep her pupils in line, so I used the strap for discipline. Whenever I remember these incidents, I feel such a deep regret that I want to go back in time and change what I did.
We can only learn from our mistakes and strive to do better. I realized even at the time that what I was doing was unhealthy. During my second year of teaching, I found other methods of discipline and left the strap hanging idly by the chalkboard. I had to correct myself again as a parent. One day I found myself losing my temper when my older son was five years old and I Amish spanking stories him hard. I turned away in the middle of it and sobbed. I need help. I do not want Amish spanking stories do to my children what was done to me. Within a week I was sitting in front of a counselor, who I worked with for nearly four years of intensive therapy.
Healing from this kind of trauma is a lifelong process, but the work I did back then helped me to refrain from passing down a chronic dose of abuse to the next generation. I believe this.
Without self-reflection and self-correction, I would have been powerless to change the unhealthy family patterns I inherited. If they want to break the cycle of abuse, the Amish must be willing to seek help from trained mental health professionals for both the perpetrators and the abused. In my view, self-reflection is a healthy aspect of any society. Can the tradition-minded Amish culture accommodate their members becoming self-aware, an essential component of breaking unhealthy patterns?
Or will the culture survive only as long as their members are unconscious of their family patterns, the origin of the cultural traditions they adhere to, or even of their own thoughts? Saloma Miller Furlong Author and Speaker. Website traffic statistics for salomafurlong.Amish spanking stories
email: [email protected] - phone:(810) 148-6626 x 3859
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