Added: Brigette Pauli - Date: 05.12.2021 20:18 - Views: 47176 - Clicks: 2177
I had of course read other articles and at various theatrical fringe festivals seen many largely dreadful plays on the subject, but I wanted to hear Chem sex stories facts firsthand and fresh. So, I took to the most notable [dating] apps and websites, openly declaring my intentions. No-one wanted to talk. I received a limited of responses, but these were either suggestions that I f-off and get a real job, learn to enjoy myself more what?
However, when it came to research for this article, no takers. Not one. Almost a year later, and thanks in part to twitter, I spoke to Jack mid 40sSeb mid 30s and James mid 20s. I also want to be clear, which makes sense to me if not necessarily to anyone else, that I really liked them and am pleased I had the opportunity to talk to them.
So, without prejudice, judgement, comment or analysis; ChemSex by those who do or certainly have. Jack, Seb and James. I reckon I have sex with people on chems once sometimes twice a month, there are usually a few people involved, on average around five, sometimes people I already know but often online meets. My regular drugs are G and Tina, although M-cat and coke do make an appearance and as a result these parties can last between three and four days, although recently more like one or two.
I work shifts across the week and usually find that whatever the day or time there are people around. One of the reasons I go for older guys is that younger guys appear to be more cautious and their preference would be safer sex — older guys are more interested in bareback. It started as a cheaper alternative to booze. At some point the formula changed and then so did its use.
It went from being a more more drug to becoming less potent overnight. The problem with that is that the only comparable drug in terms of the high and Chem sex stories it gave you is Tina. One of these friends I met at a chillout, then became really good friends outside the druggy circle, but ultimately we did fall out over drugs.
That neither of us was particularly upset about the friendship dissipating is an indication of what kind of relationship it was. I became HIV positive during that time. I can think of times when I bare-backed more. The chemsex gave me escape. Then I changed my job, the salary doubled, my responsibilities were different. When my life got better — the drugs went. Trying to escape and forget something. When all that gets better, the drugs go away. He was the love of my life, say no more. I was living alone, no friends, and I just ran into a time of confusing intimacy and making friends with having sex.
What no-one tells you is that the problem with drugs is that they do work. It was a terrible combination for me though; dealing with an HIV positive and personality disorder diagnosis quickly led to self-loathing, abandonment and depression. Mix drugs into all that and… well.
On the occasions when I did take it, I become suicidal later. On reflection, the escalation is frightening.
Taking one line per night becomes one every couple of hours, one chill session becomes every other week then every week. Sniffing becomes slamming, then one night becomes three days and one gram lasting three weeks becomes five grams a week. I eventually lost everything. Someone dobbed me in to work, sent information, images, the lot, and I lost the job. I took part in the chemsex more than 50 miles away to avoid anyone finding out, deliberately, but still. What delivers is the drug. That may sound sad, but I feel no sexual desire whatsoever without it.
And you know? No one wants to talk about it, I think because it shames them. These are not real conversations. Some can survive, but some lives go down the tubes. You must be logged in to post a comment.
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FEATURE: My So-Called Chemsex Life