Added: Mac Granados - Date: 21.01.2022 01:05 - Views: 40941 - Clicks: 6417
We all know Funny lifeguard stories God, there used to be this one old dude that would wear a leather thong and try to tell us that we were doing our jobs wrongs. The biggest issue was when he would try to get other people to try and not listen to our advice for what's actually a pretty sketchy beach. Milk Man comes to early morning length swim on Tuesdays and Thursdays. He hitchhikes into town from a much smaller community 30 Km away.
He may or may not be homeless. Milk Man is tall, skinny and perpetually tanned despite the cloudy climate. He has a pot belly and he le with it as he walks. He has clear green eyes and long, scraggly, thin, grey hair. He completes his look with a billy goat-like goatee and a fu manchu mustache. Milk Man spends a total of four hours at the pool. He arrives shortly after 6am and strides out of the showers wearing denim cut-offs held in place with a leather belt.
Milk Man then strides to the deep end of the pool and stands with the water lapping at his toes surveying the pool. He waves his arms around to prepare for his swim. With a reverberating shout of "HI-YA! He then returns to the deep end doing either a splashy front crawl or a splashy breast stroke. At the deep end he hauls himself out and walks back to the shallow end to take another swig from his milk jug Milk Man used to be a dairy farmer. He then walks the length of the pool to sit in the dry sauna for about ten minutes before repeating the entire Funny lifeguard stories.
Milk Man does not leave until he has finished the entire 4 liters of milk. When the milk is done he does not celebrate, he merely wishes the attending lifeguard a good day and he for the showers.
He does his grocery shopping in town, filling up his worn, canvas backpack. He then stands by the highway and hitchhikes his way home. Just a some advice, denim cut offs are horrible for most pool filtration systems. Sounds like a nice man. I don't know but I always have a sort of sympathy for people like this. There's this guy that comes in every day. Seems normal enough when he arrives, swims his laps like everyone else, then he gets talkative. It's almost like he is having a conversation with you in his head and occasionally he'll say something to you that is what someone would only say mid-conversation, for example "Yeah, I don't have any hair on my head, but I can swim faster!
Just like a seal! Oh yeah, and he's fucking obsessed with seals and sea lions.
Every day after his laps he asks me if I've seen a sea lion before and then goes on to explain why they are clearly the superior animal and why he wants to be one so badly. The first time this happened while I was guarding I had really no idea how to react but now it's completely normal. If he didn't do that I would be surprised. I call him the majestic man-seal and make up epics of his adventures defending his watery realm from the evil aerobics group while I guard.
That's so funny hahahaha its these guys that make our job easier on those days where you just wanna go home. I use to have a guy who would wear women's bikini Funny lifeguard stories, not speedos or similar banana hammocksbut his wife's bikini bottoms. He use to cover his skin with Olive Oil to tan, and never shower before getting in the pool even with guards reminding him every dayan oil slick would always ensue across the surface of the pool.
Nice man, but the olive oil and sequined bikini bottom were quite odd. I'll tell you about "JoMama".
She's this 70 I think? She's a super sweet but in many ways, an odd lady. We have a therapy pool and she loves floating around in it. Anyway, she's got a lot of enthusiasm but she's got this laugh that makes the Wicked Witch of the West's laugh sound like a giggle. JoMama has this very loud cackle that tends to freak out the new guards.
For us veteran guards, it's just funny. She actually used to scare the Funny lifeguard stories kids from the day camps that used to visit us with that cackle of hers. The other funny thing about her is that she always brings two water bottles of "clear liquid". There's been rumors that if you got close enough to her, you could smell vodka on her breath. Which led to everyone believing she would get wasted mind you she usually comes in around 10 or 11 am for an hour then just go home.
It still hasn't been debunked nor confirmed. She does have her "bad" sides though.
She tends to overstay her visit. She likes to stay in the therapy pool for as long as she can, even if it's past closing hours, and she knows new guards won't say anything because they're too afraid. She's also racist against Jews and black people. Also, she tends to stare at the guards in a demeaning way.
I don't think she means to put on that face. I've caught her staring at me like that and I just say, "Hey Jo! Overall, she's an interesting regular but we all love her. Her daughter works as one of our swim school coordinators and she's super sweet. Not racist or as odd. They both mean well, JoMama just grew up in a time where racism was a bit more casual.
Anyway, that's my story about crazy JoMama.
When ever I see a lap swimmer totally miss a wall on their flip turn, I mentally shout "eat shit! And this did happen today : I'm a competitive swimmer, so it never happens to me, but I do remember how bad it feels to miss a wall Found the internet! Funny stories of pool regulars? Sort by: best. I would like to tell you about Milk Man. Continue this thread. Dudes fucking insane but I love him.
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