Swing lifestyle story

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One woman explains how a lifestyle of swinging led to polyamory and how years of therapy made her think differently about love.

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Dave and I have been together for five years we live togetherand Andrew and I have been together for 16 months. Dave has a girlfriend, Chrissy: they have been friends for 15 years, and their relationship became romantic six months ago. I loved him so much! As our relationship progressed, we discovered the swinger lifestyle. Swingers have sex and friendships with other people, but remain emotionally monogamous Swing lifestyle story each other.

We met and became friends with a lovely couple Dave and his then partner at one such swinger event. A year into the friendship, I suddenly realised I had fallen in love with Dave - which is forbidden as a swinger. I ended our friendship immediately. I felt so guilty, for causing J so much hurt.

Wye and David. Photo: Supplied Supplied. There were lots of tears, lots of pain, which inevitably accompanies betrayal. With the help of a therapist, I came to realise that as the years had passed, I had changed. My needs had changed. But J's needs were incompatible. We struggled to find a way where we could remain together whilst allowing each other to grow into the best version of ourselves we needed and wanted to be. Then one day when I woke up, heart pounding, from a nightmare of being trapped with no escape, I knew facing the terror of being alone was better than staying.

Once I moved out, I blossomed. I enjoyed making new friends, and trying amazing new things like having short hair!

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I felt so alive! I fully embraced non-monogamy; I thought: I can have my cake and eat it too! It worked well untilwhen Dave came looking for me. Dave identifies as polyamorous. He and his girlfriend Chrissy share a deep, solid, loving connection. Loving Dave has brought me face-to-face with some mighty big scary demons! Battling with issues of jealousy, insecurity, ownership, entitlement, fear, ignited pain like I had never experienced before. I wasn't scared of losing him; I was terrified that I would stop loving him. But at the other end, the learning and growth with concepts like integrity, vulnerability, resilience, and courage; is phenomenal.

This le to things like love, kindness, compassion, acceptance, peace. Being with someone who has such a big heart, Swing lifestyle story so much love to give, really showed me that love is indeed infinite. Through loving him, I have learned to reach higher, dare greater, and yes, fall harder; and, get up stronger. I have learned to love bigger, and better. Learning that I can be whole, on my own, not a half of one, is a powerful tool against fear of loss. Andrew, Wye, Dave and Chrissy. Photo: Insight Insight.

After 18 months of intense therapy with a fantastic psychologist, books, articles, TED talks, support from friends, forums, anything I could get my hands on, I emerged a little bit wiser, and a little more humble. Possibly also, a little less of a control freak! It amazes me how steadfast Dave has been, through the never-ending tears, through the constant need to process. Though he lost his patience a few times in those dark days, he made sure I never doubted his love and commitment to me.

Whilst maintaining his integrity, and also respect and commitment to his other partners. I am so inspired Swing lifestyle story him! I met Andrew on an online dating site in December When his relationship ended, he had emerged from it knowing he never wanted traditional relationships again. We have such an amazing connection that is so easy and comfortable. Dave is fun, challenging, never boring.

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Andrew is stable, gentle, and understands me instinctively. Both men are independent and strong; they don't need me, and yet both love me unreservedly, just the way I am. My heart swells with love, and I feel at home, safe, and cherished, by each of them. They don't feel they have half of me, just like I don't feel I only have half of Dave.

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My life is so full of joy, fun, and laughter. When I am with neither of them, I cherish my time to myself, enjoying my own company, or the company of friendssomething I had never bothered to value before.

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One day, I am sure Andrew will find another partner, and the uncertainty will be challenging and scary for me. But I don't fear it.

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It's the same with Dave, it's always a bit scary when he meets a new partner. But the joy I get from the fact that the guys are free to choose whoever they want to be with, and they do; AND still choose to be with me, is far more powerfully validating, than any prescribed accepted set of behaviours. Through polyamoryI have been able to redefine my core value around what Swing lifestyle story and commitment means. Dave and I share a home, and finances. We individually spend on average Swing lifestyle story nights a week with Chrissy and Andrew respectively, both have their own homes in which they live with their children.

We usually stay at theirs, but when they sometimes stay at ours, David sleeps with Chrissy in our bedroom, and Andrew sleeps with me in my cosy den. We have all become friends, and often go out together, or enjoy games nights at home, or sometimes just hanging out in the kitchen chatting. When I first fell in love, it meant choosing one and forsaking all others.

You honour that same choice every day. There is nothing wrong with that, if that is what feels authentic to you. Today, as I have grown, love and commitment that honours autonomy and freedom sits much better with the person that I am now. It feels so great, to be able to watch and support your partners in their growth to be the best person they can be. In my travels connecting with so many people, I have learned so many amazing things: not just about other people, their motivations, and the wonderful diversity out there; but so much about myself, and the wonderful diversity within myself.

If we only knew how much everyone is just trying their very best to navigate this messy thing called life, how much more loving, compassionate, and less judgmental, we would be not just for them, but for ourselves. A version of this originally appeared on Whimn. SBS News. SBS Home. News Programs. Follow Insight. By Wye. My name is Wye. I have two partners. Photo: Supplied. Photo: Insight.

Swing lifestyle story

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'I broke the one rule of being a swinger'